I really need an office. And inspiration. And Zack.

I'm on campus today for the first time in over half a year. I really do love my alma mater, especially now that there isn't a constant haze of construction noise in the background.

I printed out my draft from NaNoWriMo. I'm going to read it over the next few days and begin the highlighting and marking out process. Try to figure out what the basic plot is that I've sketched out and what holes need to be filled in, what few passages are actually salvageable. It'll be interesting to see how many words out of 50,000 I'll end up keeping. It felt really good to print out 79 pages of something that I wrote.

I've been feeling a lot less grown up than I did in Japan lately, the main reason being my lack of transportation. I am still not able to drive because my car won't go into Drive. We think it's old gas or something; I'm hoping to remedy this problem by the end of the week.

I've discovered the secret to me having clear skin: drink lots and lots of water, get plenty of sleep, moisturize every night, and avoid alcohol. Alcohol is definitely a cause of acne for me. Which sucks because I drank two nights this weekend. It shows.
I feel like an idiot for sabotaging my skin right before I go to visit old friends on campus. My skin was the clearest it has been in probably a year and I woke up today to find a constellation charted across my jawline. I won't give up my quest for beautiful skin so easily though. I'm going to keep taking care of myself and see what works.

So my life has been very open and carefree since I got back to the States. I finally mailed off the paperwork to get started on getting a work visa. I can't wait to have the ticket back to Japan, and back to my regular life, in my hand.

melt

I've been home for about two weeks now. It's weird that I finally think of Statesboro as "home" in a way.

My goal for tomorrow is to get my 1988 Nissan Pulsar legal to drive again. I haven't driven a car in half a year.

All I did today was hang out with Erica's dog, Bear, who is half bloodhound, half black lab.

I wrote a little but I feel like all the creativity in my brain has melted away since I last crossed the ocean. I'm not sure what it is about the Western Hemisphere that makes it harder for me; maybe it's the water. Yeah, that's it. I'll blame it on the fluoride.
But the real truth is that I'm just really good at making excuses for myself. I can come up with an excuse a lot faster than I can come up with an idea for my novel.
I have to get out of this house. And go somewhere that isn't a store or restaurant.
I am dreaming of having car insurance, and the fact that it isn't so hot that my black un-air conditioned car will feel like a death trap, and the way it will feel to drive without being sticky. The way it will feel to walk into the library and find a quiet corner and write. It's the best home place that I've ever found.
I have to find my jump drive, get off my ass, and get writing.

so long

Well, it happened again. Today I watched Zack get on a plane for Japan while I tried not to cry.

It was better than the last time we said good bye. Things are different between us in a really wonderful way. It's hard to describe but I think it's something that happens as two people work towards understanding each other. It was our four year anniversary a few days ago. I knew that I would be joining him in March and that I would be able to stay for a whole year. Our lives are becoming more joined and I am comforted.

Besides, my life has proven before that three months isn't really so long. It's barely a blink.

Here are a couple pictures of some of our last adventures in Japan for a while:



Here's to a new year, new pages filled with new words, and new discoveries. I can't wait to get started on it all.

plans

A few plans have fallen through and a few have gone fine.

Zack and I made it back to America after about 24 hours of traveling in planes, trains, and automobiles. We spent 3 hours on a bus, two hours on a train, about 14 hours total on a plane, and I spent 4 hours in a car (he spent about 2). But we made it safely. Walking through that terminal into the airport is one of the best feelings in the world, better than peeing on a long car trip. I hate flying. Even moreso because some guy tried to blow himself up on a flight two days after I flew home. What a scary world.

So my plan to surprise Melissa for Christmas was a success. Our ideas for how to surprise her (should I be in a big gift box?) didn't exactly come to fruition; instead, we met her in the parking lot of the Dollar Tree. She and Olivia were really happy and it made me feel good to give her a good surprise for once in her life. My big sister deserves a lot more than what this world has given her.

My plans for returning to Japan are still not finalized. I have a return ticket for January 3 that I won't get to use. I finally quit my job. I could only deal with them putting off getting me a visa for so long. When they told me to re-enter Japan on a tourist visa again using a fake ticket, I knew it was time to get out. I got my diploma from them and left a note at the main school building.

Zack and I have been offered jobs from the same company which we will most likely take. They said during our interviews that they could give us jobs close together. So I will be returning to Japan in March.

For about three months, I will have to readjust to life in America. I will have to deal with having little to no income again (unless I can miraculously find a job). I will have to drive again. My risk of getting cancer is increased.
I know it seems like a weird thing to worry about, but America has the highest rate of cancer in the world. When I moved to Japan, my risk of getting cancer was 1 in 4. Now, my chances are back up to 1 in 2. And it's easy to see why. The most shocking part of coming back was seeing the sheer size of things. The roomy lanes on roads. The huge SUVs and pickup trucks that people leave running while they order lattes at a coffee shop. The trash cans that we stuff bottles and styrofoam plates into without taking a moment to think about where it will end up. And of course, you see it in the people. In the way their clothes stretch tight across their chests and bellies, the way they load pounds of beef and buckets of butter-flavored spread into their shopping carts.

I've already gained back most of the weight I had lost in Japan. I know what you'll say, that I really shouldn't worry about that, but I do. I worry that I'll let myself go and end up like one of the women who tell me that they were once my size but got lost along the way. I just don't want to be unhealthy. I don't want to tell sell myself short.
Because the thing that is smaller in America is the life span. We may have what many consider the highest standard of living in the world, but we don't get to enjoy those pleasures as long as other industrialized nations.

I'm a little sad. I've been living in a place where it's hard to be unhealthy, where people feel it is their duty to sort the trash into bags to be recycled, where being old is seen as a mark of dignity instead of a burden, where people work hard and take care of themselves and each other. Now, I'm back in the land where you're free to be as horrible to yourself and the world in general as you want to be.

We will be long distance again. I hate being so far away from Zack but at least this time I can see a clear and happy ending. When he left the first time, all I could see was a depressing haze of calendar pages with nothing on them. I was in purgatory. Now, I'm more on a break from foreign life, just gearing up for the next adventure. I plan on getting a lot of writing done while I'm here. Work on my novel and interviews for the memoir that I hope to complete one day.

But I'm back in context. It's less comforting than I thought it would be. At least I get to see some of the people I love. They're the only thing that make this place seem like home.

resolutions

Every year, I make a little list of resolutions. This year, I'm putting them online so that maybe they will seem more important somehow than a note scribbled in one of my notebooks. I've learned more in this past year than probably any other year in my life. I'm finally starting to feel like an adult. It's a weird but good feeling.
Here goes.
This year, I resolve to:
1. Finish the novel that I started in Nanowrimo and at least get excerpts from it published, if not the whole book.
2. Get a full time job in Japan and legitimate work visa. I've already started on this one!
3. Never drink as much as I did on Halloween. Ever again. I'm a grownup now; I can't be doing stupid shit like that.
4. Be a better environmentalist/vegetarian. I've been kind of slacking in my ambition to be a part of the solution rather than the problem. There's just something about traveling that makes me feel like I'm not in the real world any more. Which is stupid because anyone who cares about environmentalism knows that everything that happens on one part of the world has a direct impact on every other part. No place is that isolated; we live on a giant ball. My biggest goal is to stop eating fish. I've justified it in every way I could since coming to Japan but the truth of the matter is that it's wrong. The fishing industry is terrible for the environment; overfishing, bycatch, and fish farms are all working together to further destroy the ocean. Once the ocean is a dead zone, it won't be too long before the land is a dead zone too. At least one species of tuna is about to be added to the endangered species list. I want no part of it. I have decided that I will make exceptions occasionally for fish products like bonito flakes and dashi stock, because at times in Japan, it's almost impossible to find something in a restaurant without fish ingredients. My favorite "vegetarian" sushi from the grocery store even has fish flakes. Other than that, it's egg, mushroom, and cucumber. It's so good! But I will try not to do that very often. As for fish flesh, I'm done eating it.
http://www.docstoc.com/docs/19458386/Eating-fish-good-for-heart-bad-for-environment
5. Get pretty skin. I hate that I'm 24 and still break out; not as bad as I once did, but it's still embarrassing and painful. Any factor that could contribute to acne makes me break out. On top of that, my scars just keep looking worse and worse. I am sick of feeling like a leper if I don't wear makeup. This year, I am going to try my hardest to get rid of my acne and decrease the appearance of my scars with natural remedies. One major driving force behind this is the fact that I will be getting married at some point in the next year and a half. Ganbatte!
6. Start figuring out grad school and long term goals. I think that after one more year of being in Japan, I really want to go to grad school. I need to figure out what I want to get a master's in exactly. I love love love writing but I also want to be equipped to work for nonprofit organizations and charities. Hmmm...
7. Plan a wedding. I'm looking forward to this one the most.

So I hope you found these interesting. If you need any goals for the upcoming year, I urge you to consider doing "Meatless Mondays." It's an easy way to eat healthier and help the environment. http://www.meatlessmonday.com/

I'm missing everyone more and more as the holidays approach. I love you all!

I've been spending too much time in front of a computer screen. I need to remedy this soon. My latest online fascination is the story of Jason Statts, a musician who was shot in Savannah last year and was left paralyzed. His wife, Lyra, kept a blog of their first year dealing with their new life, a life totally different from their "pre-injury" life. Their story is so sad but so inspiring. What a strong couple.
Here's where you can read their blog: http://www.myspace.com/stattshimself

I started thinking about all the things that I have to be thankful for in my life, and all the things I take for granted. I'm going to try and be more aware of all the wonder in this world.

Being surrounded by beautiful mountains that are gradually being dusted with snow really helps with that goal. Last night, it started snowing on me as I was walking home from the train station. Snow is just so much more magical than rain. I took an extra long path just to walk through it a little longer.

I've never lived in a place with four distinct seasons before. Georgia kind of blurs between summer and a light autumn. A few random cold days in March but nothing really that drastic. I like living in a place where a scarf is actually used for function rather than as an accessory.

Riding on the train is like looking at a perfect snapshot of Japan. Out the windows you see mountains, rice fields, and traditional houses interspersed with stretches of aging, bright-colored stores like something out of a cyberpunk movie. School boys with spiky anime-esque hair stand in front of the doors, texting or playing handheld video games. School girls giggle and old farmers in bonnets and aprons sit hunched in the seats. Japan is so much more than I thought it would be.

I had an interview for an ALT job that starts in March. Here's to hoping that I get it so I can tell this job to go to hell. Good night! (Well, good afternoon to you.)